The Snob's Guide: Moving to New Zealand

Snob's Guide to New Zealand is now a book, available from Amazon in paperback or kindle

Paperback: www.amazon.com/gp/product/1727804147

Kindle: www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07J9XRCWK

It has been reported that many Americans are considering moving to New Zealand now that Donald Trump has been elected President. New Zealand websites like realestate.co.nz and the NZ government immigration website have reported massive increases in traffic from the US.

This is welcome news to Kiwis (the nickname for a New Zealand national is Kiwi). Kiwis like Americans, even if they find them somewhat loud at times, with peculiar habits. They particularly like Americans liking guns as Kiwis love guns too, and sport, which Americans seem keen on, even if their Superbowl seems strange, why do the players not actually play?

But hang on a minute there mate. It's not all beer and skittles in the shaky isles. As a result I've compiled this list as a guide to where to live if you want people to take you seriously, and see you as not being just a typical immigrant. The list is in order of importance, first being most desirable and of higher worth socially - from a snob's point of view of course:-

1. Wellington

The capital city of New Zealand and the cultural heart of the nation. Even educated people overseas often get this wrong. I once read a list of capitals in a book on the Second World War by Max Hastings: he wrote London, Washington, Canberra and Auckland. What? That last one is NZ's largest population centre, NOT the capital.

The original reason Wellington was made the capital is it sits in the middle of the country. It's also very windy, which is a good thing, the winds come in the afternoon and nights, making the mornings beautifully clear. Within Wellington my suburb picks are Mt Victoria, Mt Cook, Berhampore, Newtown and Island Bay.

If staying in the region but not the city itself, then the Kapiti Coast is favoured. Bear in mind there are only two ways into the city, and the commute can be long. This is not a problem if you're going in the opposite direction to the traffic, which some manage to organise.

Wellington is vulnerable to earthquakes, there is no getting around this if you live in New Zealand.

2. Nelson

A town at the top of the South Island, located on Tasman Bay. This is where the hippies congregated in the 60's. Courtney Love's mother brought her daughter among them, and the young girl attended Nelson College for Girls before being asked to leave.

Italians settled in the city after the war, and earlier the region was settled by the English, with Germans also settling in the Moutere district, between Richmond and Motueka. Therefore it is somewhat artistic and possibly intellectual.

New Zealand is a rugby mad country (both rugby union and rugby league ) but Nelson is the one area in New Zealand where this is not the case. Nelson is the only region in New Zealand where basketball is the top sport, followed closely by volleyball. An American living in Nelson who likes either basketball or volleyball, or both, will get along famously.

There is no American football in NZ. Some may claim there is, but they're just yanking your chain. If you're not prepared to let that go, do not come to New Zealand as Kiwis think anyone who plays Gridiron is a pansy.

3. Christchurch

The largest city in the South Island. Large earthquakes in 2010 and 2011 badly damaged the city. There is a lot of rebuild work but the city is hard to live in. Not for the faint hearted this one, but it's a nice place nonetheless.

Christchurch is rugby heartland (even though the first game of rugby was actually played in Nelson - go figure, and it was actually Aussie Rules by mistake but everyone forgets that...pfft). It's more narrow-minded and insular than the above cities, hence it gets a lower place.

4. New Plymouth

The North Island's top regional town. Known for oil and milk cows. Easy drive anywhere and no earthquakes.

5. Gisborne

Poverty Bay in the North Island. Much cheaper houses and no-one will laugh if you live there. They will laugh if you live in Hamilton, Napier/Hastings, Palmerston North and Wanganui. The latter two are not that bad really, John Cleese hates Palmerston North, which is a good reason to like it.

6. Dunedin

Used to be the largest city in NZ back in the day, deep south, COLD. Even more insular than Christchurch.

7. Westport

My pick of the South Island west coast, nice town, nice people, coal and gold. Their girls basketball team won the nationals for small schools not so long ago, this town has energy despite Holcim closing the very pretty cement works. With Westport you've got National Parks at your doorstep, my favourite being the Nelson Lakes, but Abel Tasman and Kahurangi are in the area as well (for Abel Tasman you'd better live in Nelson, see above).

8. Whangarei

The warm heart of the North. The region is known for farming and they have an oil refinery and cement works too. Anywhere in Northland is good but the schools are dodgy. The local Maori are politically active, which is a good thing, if you want to learn to speak Maori then this is where to live.

9. Islands

New Zealand has hundreds of Islands, many of them habitable; Waiheke, Great Barrier (both Auckland), D'Urville is the largest in the Marlborough Sounds but many others also. There are too many to list, but remember, this is a remote country with 4.5 million people, you have to look after yourself, if a tsunami cuts off your access, you may be jiggered.

10. Remote locations

Sewart Island, Chatham and Pitt Islands. These are for the adventurous only and to survive you need an economic reason to live there; tourism, farming and fishing being the main ones.

Other remote locations include eastern Southland, south Westland, East Cape and the central North Island. If you like living off the grid then these locations may be for you.

Not for Snobs:

Auckland - déclassé, people who live in Auckland think New Zealand ends at the Bombay Hills just south of the city. They are referred to as Dorklanders, or Jafa's (Just Another Fucking Aucklander). Living in Auckland, while easy enough and enjoying higher incomes, earns no points at all on the snob index.

Invercargill - derided by the Rolling Stones, it was once vibrant but is now falling in population and struggles to find a reason to exist. They do things like offering qualifications from their Polytech for no fees just to attract people (see my snob's guide to education in NZ, this option is a no-go). [Update: Invercargill has changed over the years and it is now much improved, those zero fees courses they offer have attracted diversity and people with energy]

Queenstown - a tourist trap, beautiful scenery and one dimensional. Then when you want to go somewhere, you're miles away from anywhere. Forget this place, vacation in Queenstown, that's all.

Blenheim - a poor man's Nelson

Living in New Zealand poses challenges. You need to be independent in finances and nature. If you like being surrounded by people and not being alone, then New Zealand may not be for you. On the other hand, if you think for yourself and are a bit of a loner, then Kiwis will love you, it's a country of 4.5 million individualists (that's why it has no great army or multinational company, it's a bit like a lunatic asylum where everyone is off doing their own thing, usually breaking in land, but they could be surfing, writing, arguing the fall of the Roman empire, or whatever - the latter discussion more likely to be heard in Wellington jsyk).

Maori culture:

Maori language and culture is undergoing a renaissance of late. This means it is not hard to get involved or to learn the native language. Maori and sign language are the two official languages of NZ, English isn't official but like the US, it's pre-eminent. Maori television is often better than the rest, Maori politicians are often highly principled. The emerging Maori middle class appear to place sport at the top of their tree, particularly team sports, like rugby (both kinds), Netball for girls (it's like the original basketball, which was exported to England and they never updated the rules, played across the British Commonwealth) and others such as basketball.

Traditionally, Maori lived in the countryside on Maori land (some Maori land exists in cities like Nelson, it was a planned settlement) while Pakeha (white New Zealanders ) lived in the cities. Okay so I'm grossly simplifying but I need to keep this brief. This arrangement stemmed from the end of the New Zealand Wars. In short, the British flagged beating Maori up and the settlers wanted the wars to stop so they could start making money.

Then in the 1950's NZ started to industrialise, spurred on by their WWII experience. The USA built an interstate highway system, while NZ decided to make steel and stuff. Firstly, Maori were recruited to work in these factories, then when that source of labour was exhausted, they brought Pacific Islanders in, places like Samoa (actually originally German but NZ effectively owned it since WWI when the Kiwis invaded, providing the Allies their second victory, after Togoland fell - no I'm not making this up, look it up).

Gangs:

The result of these changes was dislocation from tribal roots. Thus in the cities gangs took hold. There are lots of these gangs, Maori, Pacific Island and mixtures of both. The largest of these are the rival Mongrel Mob and Black Power. Yes, New Zealand has biker gangs (called bikies in NZ and Australia) which are largely Pakeha, and Hells Angels has a chapter in NZ (the oldest outside of North America).

Just so you know - all these groups are criminals; they choose to be criminals and they are not good people. The prison population is growing and only the US can rival Kiwiland in that regard.

The reach of these gangs should not be underestimated. Many have a family member that belong to one. This can go right to the top in NZ society.

What to do?

I suggest you come to New Zealand and look around first. Assuming you can immigrate, think like a snob first, it does matter, then consider practicalities such as income, airports, roads, services, banks, etc.

Kaikoura Earthquakes: Bring Back Ministry of Works?

Chris Trotter is proposing New Zealand re-create the Ministry of Works, given the monumental clean-up required after the Kaikoura earthquakes:-

>>Read about it here<<

It's a good idea, the old MOW should never have been sold off. The NZX-listed Opus now claims to be a direct descendant.

Back when the original MOW was established, there were very few of those newfangled bulldozers in the country. Now there are, and there is no shortage of earthmovers, civil engineers and contractors.

What is more needed, and Trotter does not directly address this, is a fully prepared disaster relief agency, which I propose we roll into the defence force. Such an organisation would have bridges, water purification and desalination units, temporary accommodation and the like, paramedics and hospital supplies, with the ability to get ashore in New Zealand or in the Pacific Islands.

Then with the disaster relief in place, proper planning can be undertaken and reconstruction carried out. With the events in Kaikoura, you just know that right now, not a lot is being done by the government, they're just as likely to permanently close State Highway 1 through Kaikoura.

New Zealand needs a Brexit of its own

The current system is not working. What we have now is a group of established politicians who are almost impossible to remove from office, lording it over the country. It matters very little which party they belong to but National and Labour are the stand-outs.

We need to take our country back. The only way I see this happening is if a new party is established that gets control of the political process and reinstates first past the post General Elections rather than the MMP system we now have.

On that journey, this movement could stand for other things as well and not be a single issue party, which has a short shelf life. Here are some ideas:-

Defence

We know how exposed NZ is to natural disasters and just how ill prepared the country is. The latest Kaikoura earthquakes remind us only too well that NZ was very lucky. We were celebrating 75 years of the navy which meant visiting Navies could help out. The country can't rely on luck, it needs a fully functioning disaster relief programme ready to go. This is not cheap, take our bridges as an example, NZ does not have a stock of Bailey Bridges to put up in a hurry to get bridges open.

In the Kaikoura example, the HMNZS Canterbury, a so-called multi-role vessel could not put supplies ashore in a two metre swell. And we paid far too much for the NH90 helicopters, we could get this kind of lift for half the price (or double the capacity).

Additionally, there appears very little civil construction ready to go to work immediately which is quite shameful.

Manufacturing

NZ is weaker now than when it headed down the 'Rogernomics' road in the 1980's. Manufacturing jobs have been lost, with the workforce largely working in service sectors. This should be reversed, NZ needs to build a viable secondary manufacturing sector.

Immigration

With house prices escalating, immigration should be curtailed until prices stabilise.

Mining and Forestry

Drill baby drill, and let's get our trees back. Enough said.

Government

Shrink the size of central government.

Transport

NZ needs a viable air, road, rail and coastal shipping infrastructure. The blocking of rail and road on SH1 after the quakes should be a sobering lesson as to why NZ needs a coastal shipping industry.

Treaty of Waitangi

The treaty settlement process has become a boondoggle for vested interests. We need to end the treaty gravy train.

I have no idea what the name of this party would be but NZ badly needs it. Of existing parties, NZ First may look the closest, but the problem is it is dominated by one man, Winston Peters, and like National it is the party for old people. Any new party has to embrace the younger voter.

Trump Appointments: Old White Guys

Just when I thought things were looking good under Trump, things head south. Mitt Romney may get secretary of state, really? And where are the women in Trump's team? So far it looks like a bunch of old white guys. C'mon Mr Trump, surely you can do better.

Novel: The Crushing Son

My blog has been very busy lately. Thank you to all my readers.

Readers can show their appreciation by buying a copy of my second novel, The Crushing Son.

The Crushing Son <<Amazon Link

Used copies are available from $6.95 new from $9.67

European Voters Ignored

Europe may be in for a backlash on the scale of Brexit or Trump if the bureaucrats in Brussels keep ignoring voters:-

BRUSSELS trampled over the result of a Dutch referendum

On a wider scale, giving the Ukraine any hope whatsoever that they can be part of Europe, just moves the region closer to war. Russia won't stand for it. So why keep poking Russia with a stick?

Trump to Double Growth?

While Donald Trump said enough during the campaign to cancel himself out as any kind of decent human being, we have to now deal with four years of his administration. Will it be good for business and investment, or not?

My guess is there will be growth in construction jobs, that's Trump's thing. Overall the following link appears very bullish, read on and consider if any of it comes to pass:-

How President Trump will double growth and jobs

Trump off to a Good Start

Never judge a book by its cover, or so they say. Those protesting Donald Trump likely do not hold with that view. 

But let's keep an open mind shall we. His appointment of Reince Priebus as chief of staff and Stephen Bannon as chief strategist and chief counsellor has the look of a man who intends to effect change. On the one hand Priebus is there to keep the ship on course, while Bannon is there to shake things up. 

https://www.ft.com/content/704a2dfc-a9ca-11e6-a0bb-97f42551dbf4

The voters expect something to be done about their falling standard of living and job security. If things continue to go downhill, expect an even firmer backlash. My guess is the GOP know it and they're looking over their shoulders.

Donald Trump Next US President

It looks like Donald Trump has won the race to the White House. What an upset, the pollsters will have to review their methods as they got it badly wrong - again. 

If we're going to be honest, Hillary Clinton lost two weeks ago when her campaign stalled and she lost all momentum. It wasn't the FBI investigation or Wikileaks, it was her approach to campaigning that cost her victory. 

Hillary Clinton treats her campaign like a parade to victory. She swans around the place, gracing the masses with her presence. Meanwhile her opponents roll their sleeves up and ask the voters to back them, that they'll effect change for them. Which message or approach sounds better? She stalled against Obama, and now Trump too.

Trump was backed by what I call angry pick-up truck man. On my recent visit to the USA I saw them everywhere with their Trump/Pence bumper stickers. They sit behind the wheel of their trucks looking very pissed off. These angry, mostly white men, were going to vote come what may. They'd remember to vote no matter what. Contrast that with Hillary, I didn't see any evidence of her campaign apart from television attack ads. Lame.

DNC Leak 2

Wikileaks have released more of the hacked Democratic emails. Latest reports show collusion between mainstream media and the Democratic campaign (CNN, no surprise really, everyone knew this went on), and that the Putin link to the hack was fabricated.

Cubs World Champions

The Cubs did it, phew. I thought I was going to die of a heart attack when the Indians drew even, but the Cubs pulled it off. Now we can all party for a year or more. As a side note, it was good to see LeBron James so passionate about Cleveland. Maybe some other time LeBron, this was the Cubs year.

Chicago Cubs

I'm hoping that by the time anyone reads this the Cubs will have won the World Series.

World Champion Chicago Cubs has a certain ring to it.

Steven Adams Staying With Oklahoma City Thunder

The Oklahoman is reporting that NZ's Steven Adams has signed a contract extension for $22.4 million a year. This must surely put New Zealand players on the map. New Zealand basketball talent is a lot better than you'd think, there should be more Kiwis playing in the NBA. Let's hope the scouts find their way Downunder more often.

This deal puts Adams in the front rank of the genuine big men of the NBA. It is reported that he could have got more had he waited, as teammate Andre Roberson is doing, but my guess is Adams wants to create a legacy, not just earn the big bucks. He can create that legacy in two ways; either he stays with OKC for the foreseeable future and picks up a championship there, and he's actually more attractive as a trade, being slightly cheaper after the ink dries on this deal. That means better teams can take him on under their salary cap if things don't work out at OKC down the line. 

It's all about the championships, and playing for your country, and this is where NZ has to hope a deal can be secured, putting Adams in the black singlet of New Zealand. Every player wants to play for their country (if fit of course). Look at the NBA talent turning out for their countries, Australia has no problem getting their NBA players to turn out. It has been mooted that NZ can no longer afford insurance on Adams. But this is where it gets interesting; given what Adams will now be earning, he can pay the premiums himself as a donation to the national body, such payment being tax deductible. So it's a win-win.Whatever issues exist between NZ Basketball and Adams, they have to be resolved.

Oh and now Adams is in the top rank of the top rank, he's going to get hit on. Imagine the Kanye/Foxx rap video Gold Digger. Well the totty in that video is just what actors and rappers qualify for, NBA stars of Adams ilk will be inundated by totty ten times hotter than that. He'll need to get himself a wife or a personal lifestyle manager. A single man, the amount of money we're talking about and that kind of fame, well let's just say he could wear it out. 

FBI Renew Investigation of Hillary Clinton

Reading between the lines, it looks like the FBI have got their noses out of joint. It may be that the new emails they've discovered don't cross-reference with what Hillary has already provided them. Oh dear, if that's the case, she may face obstruction charges or worse. This is a gift to the Trump campaign.

Hillary Clinton Losing Momentum

I don't know if this is being correctly reported but in case no-one has noticed; Hillary Clinton has lost the momentum in the race for the Presidency. She's fallen behind in Florida by 2 percentage points and in other polls she's now tied or only marginally ahead. Trump was lagging badly only a week ago but now he's gaining ground. His campaign while disorganised on some levels, appears to be judging its sprint to the line better, with Hillary appearing out of gas. Is this another Hillary Clinton choke (like she choked against Obama)?

Chicago Cubs

The Cubs have made the World Series for the first time in 71 years, let's hope they win this time. I've only been a fan for about the last 10 years (I am a long-time fan of the Yokohama DeNA Baystars in Japan's Central League), but I'm enjoying the ride.

Azealia Banks Picks On Russell Crowe

You've got to laugh, Azealia Banks noticed Russell Crowe is over the hill and the biggest dipstick in Hollywood. Read about it here:-

http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/azealia-banks-speaks-out-about-hotel-room-fight-with-russell-crowe-w445861

Ms Banks, you could have called him on claiming to be an Australian, when in fact he's a New Zealander. Australia won't have him, which sucks for us Kiwis. I've tried to swap a live Russell Crowe for the body of Peter Brock, but no Aussie will look at the deal. C'mon Aussies, you get a live Russell Crowe for the corpse of a motor racing legend, what is there to lose? 

Trucks in the USA

I'm not sure why heavy trucks are the way they are in the USA. If someone can explain then I'm all ears.

The most common type of truck I saw on my recent trip were semi-trailers. Almost all of the tractor units were conventional with hardly any cabovers. Is there a good reason why that's the case?

Then combinations were interesting. In California I'm not sure I ever saw a B-train or B-double rig, where the two trailers are each connected to a turntable. What I did see a lot of was a semi-trailer pulling a draw-bar trailer, and that draw-bar was often rising up from the front axle of the trailer, not perpendicular with the trailer body.

Then in most states I visited; aggregates were being transported on trucks that to my eye looked far too heavy to carry a useful payload. The trailers were often side dump or bottom dump, while others appeared to be transfer dumps such as the type in this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=woi0T4XVf1s

The trucks in the above video do appear far too heavy for a useful load of aggregate. Here's an Australian equivalent rig, I'm pretty sure this set-up delivers more in the one trip, correct me if I'm wrong https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYVT2_toS3I

In Nevada I saw road trains, but they too appeared to be heavy tare weights. 

Bel Aire Motel Missoula

Special mention must go to this the worst motel during my latest trip to the USA. It was so bad the experience has scarred my soul and it will take a lifetime to recover. The room stank of cigarette smoke so thick I could hardly breath in there. Not only that, the sheets were unwashed and on to who knows how many trips around the block before seeing the inside of a washing machine.

The day started out well and I drove across Montana, through rain so hard my car's traction control went haywire and I couldn't see where I was going but I did have certain knowledge there were a lot of other cars and trucks near me on the interstate. I had visions of my demise and that I'd be entering heaven to sound of Marie Osmond singing Meet Me In Montana. But that didn't happen obviously as I'm here to tell you about how bad the Bel Aire is.

It is really really really bad and that's possibly massive understatement. It is the worst motel in the world and so bad, Zimbabwe's worst would look like the Ritz. Sorry Zimbabwe, I know you try.

Missoula is a university town and it was Saturday and their football team was playing at home. This meant that everything was booked and the town was full of drunken football supporters who didn't even go to the game but instead park their pickups and go to bars where they get legless. I suppose this behaviour is an excuse to meet up, but I was left scratching my head, why did they not just stay at home, stay off the roads, and keep everyone safe. But this is America where there are a lot of things that don't make a lot of sense.

You'll note that I'm avoiding talking about the room. I dropped the key in the return slot at 5am and ran far away. That's all I can say. I might have flashbacks, I hope not.

Please note: Trip Advisor would not publish this review, so you can safely bet that the worst is never fully disclosed, meaning you cannot fully trust sites like that. Be warned, if the hostelry has more than 2 one star reviews in the last year, rest assured it's a lot worse than described.

HHonors with Hilton and Visiting the USA

Over the past two weeks I have been on holiday in the USA. I drove around quite a bit, covering 5,600 miles or 9,000 kilometres in that time. That's almost as much driving as I do in a year. In the next few posts I'll recount my experiences, describing the places I visited, the people I met, the food, shopping and the whole tourist experience both good and bad.

To start this off, let's start at the beginning of my journey, before my feet have even left the ground. Booking and paying for the flights was easy enough and getting a new passport was also a breeze. I needed to have a firm base at least for my first two nights, to get set as it were, and so I enrolled in Hilton's HHonors programme, and booked through them. Big mistake that and here's why.

On the 9th September I booked two nights using my BNZ Platinum Visa at the Hilton Garden Inn San Jose/Milpitas, total cost US$218.24. That's not excessive but neither is it a raging bargain either. The booking was handled through Hilton Advance Purchase Memphis. 

Then nine days later, on the 18th, the hotel takes it upon itself to bill my Visa card another US$218.48. This was a totally unauthorised transaction. Then on the 21st of September, without my pointing out the matter (the statement hadn't actually arrived, I only found all this out when I returned from overseas and opened my mail), they reversed the $218.48 three days later.

Have they done a good job? You might think so eh. But they hadn't. Why? That $218.48 in New Zealand dollars was NZ$308.18 charged to my account, then only NZ$292 going back in, putting me out of pocket to the tune of $16.00 or thereabouts. If you're going to put something right, then put it right correctly, HHonors took $308.18 off me, then they can put $308.18 back in. Nothing else is acceptable.

Do you see my point? Had I ignored HHonors I'd be $16 better off. Issues that need answering include; who authorised the hotel apart from central booking to charge this card, and what did they think they were doing? I hadn't even checked in yet. The room had been 100% prepaid, so what's up? What if this charge had put me over my limit on the card? 

Quite frankly, I'm not happy about this. Hilton HHonors were too loose with my credit card details and I'll not be using them again and I strongly suggest anyone reading this avoid them as well.